When everyone wants to give you their advice

Discussion in 'Just Dance' started by AngularMomentum, Aug 27, 2017.

  1. UchimaSalsa

    UchimaSalsa Son Montuno

    I was talking about having a bad attitude during the dance to notify you don't like your partner. That's in my opinion terrible.
    A no if said kindly (don't have to be necessary with an excuse) will be accepted the majority of time. It may hurt the person feelings for 30 sec and then he will find another partner and will forget about it. If you say no a second time he will understand and won't ask again. We are all adults and an adult should be able to take no as an answer or that persons had some issues in terms of parental education. If you honestly think you said no nicely to the toothless guy, that's his problem how he handle it.
    The constant no with lame excuses or pity yes with passive aggressive attitude behind or even the absence of answer as I experienced it recently in Croatia (in the bachata room if I remember) doesn't elevate anyone.
    I personally observe how women reply to demands whether it's a yes or a no and their attitude during the dance and if I don't like what I see I just don't ask.
    Marisha and Offbeat like this.
  2. MrR

    MrR Son Montuno

    It's about their dishonesty.

    The only feelings you are protecting at that moment are yours. It's primarily an act of cowardliness. A sentiment I have great disrespect for.
    The feelings of the rejected are not protected at any moment. Actually the constant excuses are more like an euphemism for "f*ck off" and thus specially unfriendly.

    I know, many people romanticize dishonesty. I see it as highly destructive.
    Al Israel, vit, Aurel and 2 others like this.
  3. Offbeat

    Offbeat Maestro 'Fania' Pacheco

    I wouldn't suggest to use that with a "no". It can be couched in a better way, but this is primarily a feed back. Combing feed back with a no, is walking on an edge.

    Depending on your relationship with a person, you can always explain that it would be better dance experience if they get better. Or that it would be make dance flow better if they improved in x, y, z. Or the way a guy does is hurting you. But that is a feed back. Whether you want to give it or not depends on you, how well or comfortable you feel giving that feedback and to whom you are giving it.
    Winston likes this.
  4. Offbeat

    Offbeat Maestro 'Fania' Pacheco

    That has happened and hence I said go back and ask the guys you turned down. May be if you want to be nice, explain that you were really taking rest but because <xyz> who is <friend, or persistent, or great dancer, or ..>, you didn't want to miss the chance.

    There have been times where I have asked girls who for a dance not knowing they had turned down someone. When girl tells me that she can't dance because she earlier said no to someone, I always respect that a lot. Most times when this has happened the girl is apologetic that she wants to dance but she has just turned down someone. I will tell her it is better we wait out the song and dance the next one. It usually always works.

    Conversely, when I see a girl say no to someone, I will try not to ask her for that particular song.
    Winston and Marisha like this.
  5. Marisha

    Marisha Descarga

    A nice essay "on lying" by Sam Harris.for people who believe that lying can protect feelings.

    13.16 minutes about white lying
    Last edited: Sep 1, 2017
    MrR likes this.
  6. granrey

    granrey Sonero

    it seems like a lot of people live in a fantasy world in which they lack social skills in regards of politely saying "no" using other words. the language has thousands of words that can be used.

    for instance, if someone asks you out for coffee and you say :"sorry, I don't drink coffee". regardless, if you are honest or not, the other person might take it as you don't want to spend time him/her.

    again if you ask someone to dance and this person responds with anything other than yes. you must take it as they don't want to dance with you at least for now and you should not try again.

    I come from a generation in which if someone had had bad oral odor. you would not say it but you would give them a chewing gum or a candy. they used to take the hint.

    If someone has a bad body odor because they eat some food or not shower or use deodorant, etc. its not up to you to fix this person. you never know how this stranger might react to you if you tell them the truth.
    Winston likes this.
  7. Marisha

    Marisha Descarga

    You do not have to fix the person. You just can stop interacting with her(him). Sooner or later the person will figure out, what she/he has to change in his/her life. For example, take a shower before salsa or do not smoke or eat garlic. The main idea is you have to be honest with yourself. If you do not want to do something, just do not do it. ( I am talking about a person you do not know. If your friend has problems as you mentioned it is much better, to tell the truth, and explain what is wrong)
    SnowDancer and Winston like this.
  8. Marisha

    Marisha Descarga

    If I say I do not drink coffee, it means I do not drink coffee and nothing more. :D:D
  9. Jag75

    Jag75 Shine Officer

    One more thing to add - 95% of dancers who give any kind of advice on the dance floor are usually giving incorrect information. You'll be surprised how many dancers actually don't have very solid knowledge of technique. This is another reason why giving advice on the dance floor is a big no-no. I taught for 8 years (don't any more) and even now I avoid giving any kind of advice on the dance floor unless asked.
  10. terence

    terence Maestro 'Descarga' Cachao

  11. granrey

    granrey Sonero

    I would say is mostly the teaches and I have covered this in the teachers tread.

    Teachers are mostly to blame. They fail to explain students that there are many types of salsa (on1, on2, cubana, LA, etc).

    They also fail to explain there are many ways to skin a cat but concentrate in their one and only right way which is their way or the highway.

    They fail to show the difference between a lead move and those that are almost choreography.

    Part of the reason some people need to explain others what to do when dancing together it relates to what I mentioned above. It's learning to comunĂ­cate with his/her partners as both teachers might teach things different.

    If you want just Google something so simple and basic like : "how to do a right turn". I bet you you gonna find a billion ways to do it but guess what? You teacher will say his/ her way is the right and proper way.
    Believe him he dances good and has been a teacher since forever lol
  12. Live2dance

    Live2dance Shine Officer

    Most of them don't even teach you what dancing means!! They don't tell anything about the music, how you interprete it with your body, not even how to have fun with it!!! FUN!!! We are dancing to have FUN because we love the music!!!! They just show sequences of moves (which I would not even go as far as saying they are choreographIes as that would imply that they are dancing / "choros" related).
    SnowDancer and MAMBO_CEC like this.
  13. granrey

    granrey Sonero

    I just wish more students and ex dancers come out and share their experiences and opinions.
  14. BMorin

    BMorin Son

    There are things I thought were true when I started that I now realize are bad or very "it depends". Hence I'm pretty much the same way. Even in class I'm super-careful about the sorts of things I say and keep it to feedback about what feels off or stick to something super-fundamental.
    Jag75 likes this.
  15. Joco

    Joco Changui

    My 2 cents on the whole rejection thing..

    I don't get rejected all that often, I found this "tactics" to work well enough for me. If I get rejected with a reason, I accept the reason, no matter what it is (genuine or not). If I just get a "no", without a reason, I will smile (genuinely!) and say something along the lines of "no problem, maybe some other time". After such a response, I typically get one of these replies:
    • the girl will say something like "maybe later / next event, right now ... " and she will tell me the reason, and based on that I will known whether to invite her later on in the evening or not. Actually I have made few good friends in this way. I can even dare to say that I have had some very nice rejections!
    • she may smile or nod only, so if I am near her randomly later in the evening, I may try again;
    • she may say or do a gesture that will indicate that "no, not even later", in which case I also not to invite her.
    In any case, when I go to a salsa, I am there to have fun, and have as many great dances as I can. Not to measure my ego against anyone, and I don't really get offended if I get rejected. I'd rather get rejected (with or without reason), than dance with someone who doesn't really like dancing with me (either cause of me, fatigue, song not up to their liking, or whatever other reason).

    My local scene is reasonably small, and in general most people either know, or know the faces of most other people. I try not to keep track of which follow gave me what response on what occasion. Having said that, I do know few follows I will not typically invite, either because they indicated they don't want to dance with me, or have (rather impolitely) declined every time I've asked. But again, I don't hold grudges or anything, I just don't want to miss the start of the song knowing I will be rejected :).

    I will admit, when I was a starting out, and in the beginner/improver phases, I was keeping track of such things.. But now, years after, I really really don't mind. And it gives me way better nights!

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