When everyone wants to give you their advice

Discussion in 'Just Dance' started by AngularMomentum, Aug 27, 2017.

  1. granrey

    granrey Sonero

    the thing is that in human interactions. a "no" could mean "no now but yes later " . you never know.

    for instance , if you are in a dancing club and you see this interesting woman that for some reason no one is dancing or even talking to her. you might assume that other men are just intimated or whatever.

    well you go with confidence and ask her to dance and she rejects you with a scene and people are now lol at you. Which is probably a nightmare that most shy guys have lol

    well , you smile, move on and try dancing with other women, she watches you dance. She later leaves the club. Some time later you leave too

    As you leave the club, for your surprise you noticed she is being waiting for you outside....you probably think you are in trouble.

    her: "I was curious how long I had to wait here..."

    you: ???

    her: "well, my apologies for earlier but if I had danced with you, then all the other losers think they can ask me to dance too. now let's go and dance somewhere else"

    As weird and fake as it sounds. These things do happen.

    the other thing that can happen too is when a woman rejects you and makes a scene (she can change her mind later too). Some women take your side and ask you to dance....to help you feel better. Some might even say: "don't worry about that bit$%, we are not all the same"

    either way, every man should always overcome his shyness. It's works better.
  2. UchimaSalsa

    UchimaSalsa Son Montuno

    That kind of passive aggressive behavior cause more arm to the scene than bringing good thing. If you don't want to dance with someone just say no, it's very simple, doesn't have to be be said in a mean way.
    wol, Aurel, SnowDancer and 3 others like this.
  3. Marisha

    Marisha Descarga

    It is not true. I do not care about other lady's opinion or behavior. If I want to dance with this dancer, I will do it.
  4. granrey

    granrey Sonero

    why do "some" women go to the bathroom in in groups? lol
  5. Marisha

    Marisha Descarga

    I do not know:) I prefer to go to the bathroom without support group:D
    vit likes this.
  6. granrey

    granrey Sonero

    it's easier to say than to actually do it.

    it's more in the sense of being polite and nice.

    "non verbal" communication exist for a reason. Even verbal communication cannot be taken literally.

    Dancers we do lots of non verbal communication while dancing. Otherwise we could not dance.

    If a someone asks you: "are you hungry?". there is a good chance this person actually mean: "I'm starving , when are we eating?" again it all depends on context.

    btw. anyone still wondering. just Google "how to politely decline a dance invitation
    you will see what I mean. rejection hurts.
    Last edited: Aug 31, 2017
  7. granrey

    granrey Sonero

    why do they go to the bathroom together? lol
  8. granrey

    granrey Sonero

    this is what happens lol

  9. terence

    terence Maestro 'Descarga' Cachao

  10. G809

    G809 Changui

    I keep reading here how it's "so simple" to just say no and not invent any excuses. Well, I decided to finally go out on a limb and try this last night, when I was asked to dance by an old guy who also seemed to be missing some teeth. Yes, I totally rejected him because of his appearance. Typically I would have said I was getting water or one of the many other reasonable excuses. Instead, I said "No, thank you" politely. He kind of threw his hands up a bit as if exasperated / upset (not a huge gesture, but it was obviously not a smooth interaction). So I think that was a fail and I'll go back to my excuses.
  11. Offbeat

    Offbeat Maestro 'Fania' Pacheco

    And if he were to come back and ask you again after you had drank the water?

    If you don't want to dance with him and that makes him exasperated/upset, how is that a fail?
    LarsM and MAMBO_CEC like this.
  12. MrR

    MrR Son Montuno

    A rejection every time hurts a bit. But the pain will be over soon, unless is it a person you really, really, really wanted to dance with - and then it is even more important.
    Also the ones reacting badly to a no, those are the ones you probably really want to reject anyway!

    The excuses version is a poison that in the long run hurts far more, because after 3 tries or so you realize, it is personal and the person doesn't even trust you to accept an honest no. And THAT hurts!
    Maybe if you live in total anonymity, where nobody cares for anyone else, that might work out. But tonight will be at best 20 follows (over basic level) in the room and a few of them did that tactic when I was new. Today they wonder, why I am still pissed.
    Aurel, Winston, G809 and 1 other person like this.
  13. G809

    G809 Changui

    Typically places are so crowded that many times I don't have to deal with someone asking me again, especially if I move to a different area. I think the ideal scenario is that we both get our needs met: I avoid dancing with this person, and this person does not experience any negativity. Rejection does hurt. So in this case, that did not happen.
  14. G809

    G809 Changui

    It's not really about trusting to accept the 'no', but rather about trying to protect someone else's feelings (including the followers'). I can see that this approach is maybe misguided, but I can't understand how it would make you "pissed".
  15. Marisha

    Marisha Descarga

    Sometimes after my " No thank you I need to take a break," or "I need to go to the washroom" or "I am tyred"... they can say: It is ok, I can wait...so take you time.:D It happened to me several times. They do not go away they just wait for me.:eek: So, now, if I do not want to dance with someone I just tell them: "No, thank you." Perhaps somebody does not want to dance with me, and it is ok:).
    Last edited: Aug 31, 2017
  16. Offbeat

    Offbeat Maestro 'Fania' Pacheco

    From a guy's perspective as someone who has to initiate:

    1. Once a no is said, it is never clear whether that is a "no, not now" or "no, not till you get better" or "no, never, I just don't like you". There are guys will ask again regardless. And there are guys who won't ask again till another day. I don't know if girls remember the guys they say no to, but most guys do remember which girls say no. As I have written and some others have written, if a girl says no consecutively on two different days, then we will probably write her off in to DNA list. While there are other guys to whom it makes no difference.

    2. When a girl says "no" with an excuse but later as a guy I find that was a false excuse, then that is big red flag. If she gives an excuse and immd starts dancing, that is consider very rude and disrespectful by most dancers (both guys and girls). I know girls who have commented on how rude it is for other girl to say "no, I am tired" and then turn around to dance with someone else two seconds later. There are some guys and girls who don't take offence at it. Generally many dancers I know and have spoken to will take that as an offence. If you ever had to do that as a girl, go back find the person you said no to, apologize and explain (unless you really don't want to dance with that person ever again). No matter how well I know a girl and how nice/friendly she has been to me, I will never ask her again (she can ask me and that is fine). I will be friendly with her, smile and exchange hello or may be even chat or compliment, but forget about me asking her for a dance.

    3. As a guy, I do watch with who else you dance with. If you dance with someone more (whether you really like dancing with that person or not), my first assumption is that you like dancing with that person. That changes dynamics of how and when I ask you to dance. If that person is a known jerk or not a person I can respect much, then it also affects how I view you.

    4. There are girls who say yes to everyone who asks regardless of guy's level and as long as a guy is not going out of his way to be a groper or sleazy. They have very high level of tolerance. I admire and respect their willingness to dance with anyone. But do realize when someone is taking advantage of your willingness to dance with everyone. When you are not standing up for yourself and letting other guys take advantage of you, I don't know if you dance with me because you really like to.

    5. Most guys will dislike mercy dance in the same way most girls will hate been given a mercy dance.

    Bottom line honest answer with a nice attitude goes a long way. If you do not want to dance now, it is easier to say - "No,... <insert your reason here>, but I really like dancing with you". If you want to be asked later, tell him - "how about later when a better songs comes along, or after two songs, or after <whatever it is you wish>". If you don't want to dance at all that day with that person "No.. <insert your reason here>, thank you" or "No, may be other time", or "No, I want to dance with some friends today" is good enough. If you never want to dance with that person, that is tricky. Say "No, thanks" each time. After two or three times most guys will figure it out.
    wol, UchimaSalsa, MrR and 4 others like this.
  17. Winston

    Winston Descarga

    "No, till you get better" is not such a great reason. Because I don't know when I'm good enough for you.

    Very good advice in the last paragraph.
    "No, never" always a no thanks
    And "No, not now," always with an honest and valid reason.
  18. Winston

    Winston Descarga

    Then you're lucky.
    But for smaller scenes it's better to be honest.
    No, not now (excuse for drink, toilet) and No, thanks (because I don't want to ever) hurts the person who asks equally.
    But later the "No, not now" will hurt the person who did the asking more if it wasn't honest, but he/she discovers it was a No, never. The only advantages is that the person who did the rejecting won't notice this.
  19. dav7802

    dav7802 Son

    I actually saw this the other night as I was waiting to perform.

    Story: I see girl go stand to the side tired after dancing a few songs in a row. A guy or two asks her to dance and she says no. I think she mentioned resting her feet or just saying no politely. Either way you could tell she needed a breather.

    Then a guy comes up and asks. She says no. He says come on please. Perhaps they know each other. Who knows. The song is playing for about 30 secs or so and he asks her again. Very persistent in a nice way. She says yes. It is a good dance and then after she goes to take break. Any of the guys asked before the 3rd guy might get turned off. But they may not have seen what happened.
  20. granrey

    granrey Sonero

    it's not that complicated. if you ask a girl for a dance. any answer other than "yes". at best it mean at least "no right now" and you should not ever try again with that girl. after rejection it's up to her if you and her will ever dance as she will have to ask you for a dance.

    when a woman is interested she has to fix her mistake and she will make it happen.

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