Should I expect first\ last dance of the night

Discussion in 'Just Dance' started by Dancingguy36, May 9, 2017.

  1. Dancingguy36

    Dancingguy36 Changui

    Both me and my girlfriend both dance salsa at same classes and clubs. I recently asked her that when we go out to a club I'd like the first dance. Her reply was that its social dancing and if someone else asks her first she cant refuse. Is it really such a big deal if she says,"sorry I'm dancing with my bf first"...I think its respectful of me to dance with her first as much as it should be for her to want to give me the first dance as well as the last dance of the night\dance. I think so many people are used to being single at these dances they forget about niceties.. Small but thoughtful. What does everyone think???? Am I really wrong??? We dont cease to be a couple just because we're at a class/dance ?
    Last edited: May 9, 2017
  2. Al Israel

    Al Israel Tumbao

    Then dance with her the next dance, it will still be your first dance.
  3. MrR

    MrR Son Montuno

    Well, I'd say it's the standard, that people that come together do the first dance together.
    Do you have a right to? No, unless you got a contract saying that.
    But I consider it very bad behavior of guys jumping to girls who just arrived while their male company is still changing shoes - unless she shows that she wants to be asked to dance already. When she is standing at the side of the floor before you got a chance to change shoes, it's her behavior. And she has every right to say, that she wants to dance with you first and to ask the guy, to come back after she has done so - I have heard that many times and it never sounded dishonest.
    After 2 or 3 songs this changes. You do not have the right to block her from dancing for eternity neither and then it actually becomes you hurting her night.

    I know women that bring their man with them but either use this first dance as a tease or a display of power.
    Often times, the guy does not really want to dance and is totally fine with her running to her dance friends first, while he gets a beer. But that is set clear between them.

    The last dance is another thing as, if she is rather popular, there will at the end of the night, when all the girls are leaving and the dancing often increases again, men be lining up. But I think of it to be good social behavior, to do an individual last dance with your company to round the night, even though it does not technically has to be either ones last dance. I had cases where I was sitting for over an hour because of phases of Reggeaton/Kizomba and the lack of women - can become very lead heavy here after 1a.m. - and the girl I was there with suddenly changed shoes and said, she was ready to leave now.
    No wonder that dance relationship did not last long ...

    And as a standard solution:
    In a good relationship both sides look out for each other.
    Often times the little gestures are, what makes the relationship healthy and that can hurt the most.
    I'd expect my partner to actually want to strengthen the bond without me asking for it, same as I require of me. And I'd expect my partner to not request delivery from me, but actually make me want to show these gestures.
    Marcos likes this.
  4. Chris_Yannick

    Chris_Yannick Shine Officer

    It's not right or wrong. It just depends on the nature of your relationship.

    I also think it is a sign of respect for the relationship to agree on establishing some ground rules when going out dancing, such as dancing the first and/or last dance together.

    But it really works if both of you are on the same page, else she might think that you are infringing upon her freedom.
    Slowdance likes this.
  5. Dancingguy36

    Dancingguy36 Changui

    If she has 2 or more hours dancing ahead or behind her...I hardly think having first and last dance is infringing her freedom... Any ladies here for their input???
  6. wol

    wol Sonero

    I usually have couple first dances with my wife, but I would be glad for her, if someone else (good dancer, of course ;) ) would ask her first. I do not see an importance to dance exactly first dance. First dance really is a warm-up and usually is not that great anyway. But I try always dance first Cha Cha with her, because we both love the dance and it played not that offten around here.
    Slowdance, azana and Chris_Yannick like this.
  7. Chris_Yannick

    Chris_Yannick Shine Officer

    It is not a lot from a quantity standpoint, but telling someone that they must dance with you first is not something everyone wants to be told. Some people may feel like it's a condition placed upon them. This is where the relationship dynamic comes into play. You can of course ask her to give you the first dance, but it's up to her to decide whether she wants to, let alone do it every single time out.
  8. Dancingguy36

    Dancingguy36 Changui

    As I put in my original post, if you're both in a relationship together it polite for me to dance with her first before other women...surely she wants me to make her feel special.. Above the other ladies.... Some women I've been with would be very hurt if I danced with others before her...its just polite or has the 21st century man forgotten good manners???
  9. LarsM

    LarsM Nuevo Ritmo

    imo it has nothing to do with good manners, but rather it's all about relationship dynamic. My gf and I dance the first dance together a fair bit of the time, but neither me nor she really puts any weight on it as such. Same with the last dance. We're definitely on the top end when it comes to relationship romance in general though, but when we go out dancing we're there primarily to dance.

    So basically, if you think it's polite to have the first and last dance but she doesn't care much, I wouldn't push it. Good chance you'll come off as possessive.
  10. Chris_Yannick

    Chris_Yannick Shine Officer

    I agree with you, but not everybody thinks the same. She already gave you a response and you didn't like it. You can choose to be frustrated over her answer or accept it.

    As far as manners go, the salsa dance scene is not quite the best place for modelling good manners. Just do what you think is right and forget about what "should" be right.
    Dissonant Harmony and LarsM like this.
  11. G809

    G809 Changui

    I like to dance the first dance with a leader I know well (like a significant other or close dance friend) because I see it as a bit of a warm up. I don't think it's really about manners. But if you feel strongly about it and she refuses, I would find that confusing. If she sees you as controlling in other areas of the relationship, maybe this additional request is not well taken for that reason. As others said, the only thing that matters is the perspective of the couple involved.
    Slowdance and wol like this.
  12. Dissonant Harmony

    Dissonant Harmony Rhythm Deputy

    I have never heard of this 'First dance; Last dance' thing; so this is what it looks like from my perspective:

    -"Hey, girlfriend wanna go for ice cream?"
    -"Actually, I don't feel like eating ice cream right now."
    -"No! We must eat ice cream! That's what people do."
    -"Yo, internet people, I think it's only respectful that a woman has to eat ice cream with her man, what do you guys think"?


    Different countries, different cultures, perhaps...But here, as far as manners go - you don't impose yourself on others.

    The way I see it: Telling to your girlfriend that you must dance the first and the last dance together, and making a big deal about something like that is just being needy, annoying, childish, rude and possessive (in a not-sweet way)...All that - over something one may find very stupid.

    (*It is not stupid to you, obviously, and I respect that, but that's how I would see it).

    -Plus, it may really make a girl may wonder what makes you act that way, and in what other areas in life you may exhibit the same type of behavior again...

    *I do think that wishing that your first dance is with her - is sweet,
    And having one last dance together before you go - is even sweeter...
    But making a "rule" about it is what I don't get.


    Short answer:

    You suggested. Was a sweet idea. She said 'no'. That's fine. No need to make a deal out of it, no need to remind her about it again.
    Last edited: May 10, 2017
  13. Dissonant Harmony

    Dissonant Harmony Rhythm Deputy

    Actually, yes. It is. While she's not obligated to dance with anyone, the "code" says that she, generally, shouldn't refuse.
    -Honestly, If a girl were to refuse to me with: "Sorry, I'm dancing with my BF first",
    I would respect that and go - but with a "LOL, really? Weird." kind of thought in my mind.
    Your girlfriend may be worrying about what others think about her - and that's normal.
    Refusing to dance with other guys, and being unavailable just because she has to wait to her rather ceremonial first-dance wit her boyfriend, however, seems odd to me.
    If that's the case for her to - then you are asking her to be odd and weird, maybe childish? (or even rude) just because you have "bizarre" issue with this first-dance-thingie.

    Try looking at it from her perspective.

    I think that putting your girlfriend at ease, with a semi-strange request is not very thoughtful. (Even though your intention is awesome).

    No, but just because you don't cease to be a couple doesn't mean you have to be all 'copuly' all the time.

    You can be a couple, and go some place together, and that activity still wouldn't be about your 'coupleness'.
    Chances are that's the case here: She goes to Salsa socials as herself: the dancer. And not as herself - your girlfriend). Does she cease to be your girlfriend? Definitely not!

    Do you cease to be a salsa dancer just because you go to a restaurant to eat (and not to dance)?
    LarsM likes this.
  14. meatythud

    meatythud Changui

    Honestly i think life is too short to worry about such things. But if it really means something to you, in my experience girls start caring about little gestures like this as soon as they realise you've moved on. So just ask a different girl for the first and last dances every night, enjoy it (don't be spiteful) and i guarantee at some point soon you'll be top priority for these special moments. And if not, you'll probably find you don't mind anymore
  15. Offbeat

    Offbeat Maestro 'Fania' Pacheco

    I haven't read replies from the rest.

    Not just with a GF, but if I got out with a dance friend to a social, usually my first dance will be the person I came with. Usually last dance too, but that varies because it may not be last dance of the social but last dance before I or my friend leaves. At times I go to social and see a friend, then my first dance will be with that friend.

    Most couples I know do dance at least the first and last dance. People who know they are a couple, usually won't ask for the first or last dance with either of the pair. If either of the partner in couple wishes that the first and last dance be with their significant other, then I think it is not asking for much and the significant other should agree.
    Joco and wol like this.

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