Should I be upset and worried that my boy/girlfriend dances salsa with other people?

Discussion in 'Just Dance' started by MacMoto, May 7, 2014.

  1. mlemonl

    mlemonl Son Montuno

    The community needs dancers like you!
  2. Slowdance

    Slowdance Descarga

    :) Do you mean "old" or do you mean "guaranteed by social contract to have no ulterior motive"? :)
  3. Dissonant Harmony

    Dissonant Harmony Rhythm Deputy

    I find it offensive.
    Are old people not allowed to be perverted?
    That's scandalous!!!
    akdancer and kbitten like this.
  4. mlemonl

    mlemonl Son Montuno

    Haha they are not seldom mutually exclusive. But when they happen to coincide, they are usually such pleasant leads and make the salsa community very approachable (from my personal experience).
  5. Chris_Yannick

    Chris_Yannick Shine Officer

    It's a cultural thing.
    From what I've seen, the older Salseros absolutely do have ulterior motives. Being noble has nothing to do with age. By the way, you're so not old. You are just stuck in a culture that defines old as anything over 20. Come over to my scene, and you'll fit right in :)
  6. Slowdance

    Slowdance Descarga

    Sure, I see plenty of men dating younger people. I personally find it awkward if the lady is young enough to be my daughter. So much so that I stopped one relationship before it could get serious with someone who was 31, and I avoided another one with someone the same age. The only reason I sometimes become the recipient of attention is that most people think I'm only 39 or 40.

    Maybe its good that all the salsa ladies are in the too-young zone (under 38 or so). That way I avoid drama. :) But sometimes I wish we had more older people. We are age-inclusive, but there isn't an even spread. :)
    Dissonant Harmony likes this.
  7. Offbeat

    Offbeat Maestro 'Fania' Pacheco

    If you classify '38' as too young, then you are not too old by definition :) And you wonder why you get attention!!! Sir, I don't think you are being any noble making 38 years old feel too young :p :p

    We need an intervention program to disabuse you of what is old :D
    SnowDancer, kbitten and Slowdance like this.
  8. David

    David Administrator Staff Member

    Everywhere I dance people know I am married. I never have a misunderstanding this way. Mostly people want to dance with me more when they know I am married, because they know my motives are clear.
    kbitten and sofar like this.
  9. Offbeat

    Offbeat Maestro 'Fania' Pacheco

    But when has marriage stopped some people from having motives :p

    On a different note, some men have complained that at the bars they get hit on more when they have a ring on their fingers. Hard to figure if women approach them because they feel safer talking to a married guy or marraige makes a guy inherently more attractive to some women :D
    Dissonant Harmony likes this.
  10. Yiannis

    Yiannis Changui

    The dance is not the problem, it's all about trust, a dance is not supposed to inticate attraction between two people, but offcource that can happen too. I know people who only dance with people who their attracted to, and yet others who enjoy dancing, so their parther of choice, is not based on attraction, but on their dance skills. Hope this helps!
    SnowDancer likes this.
  11. SnowDancer

    SnowDancer Clave Commander

    True, but I see a few guys who use dance mostly as a means of seduction; and I'd guess that every scene has a few of these.
    Yiannis likes this.
  12. LarsM

    LarsM Nuevo Ritmo

    After being part of the local scene for a while now (and thus getting to know a lot more "dirt", even though I mostly don't care), I've seen quite a few people who are there primarily to find a partner/hook up/party. And there is waaaay more dirty biz going on than you'd think at first sight...probably varies from place to place, but people being people I'd be very surprised if this isn' a global thing.
    Chris_Yannick likes this.
  13. calichris10

    calichris10 Sabor Ambassador

    It is global. And imo a normal happening in any group of people who are always together.The people who deny it is happening simply do not know it is going on. Which is understandable if you are in the outskirts of a scene.
    Chris_Yannick and LarsM like this.
  14. SnowDancer

    SnowDancer Clave Commander

    I agree, it's normal in any group. But I think salsa, by its more sexy reputation, attracts more players, than, say, a chess club.
    akdancer and calichris10 like this.
  15. granrey

    granrey Tumbao

    Dancing its a sign of interest, if other signs are there as well.
    khabibul35 likes this.
  16. If you are worried about it then there are probably other problems in the relationship
  17. calichris10

    calichris10 Sabor Ambassador

    Not necessarily true.
    wol and SnowDancer like this.
  18. Justin James

    Justin James Changui

    Relax and trust your relationship.
  19. Del Dominguez

    Del Dominguez Changui

    Indeed, it seems like you can't avoid the opposite-sex interactions but you have to have a solid relationship to be ok with it. It's part of the scene..unless you're one of those weird couples who only dance with each other....
  20. Patrick1979

    Patrick1979 Changui

    I know this is a forum full of dancers who are passionate about the salsa scene, so it might be a lot to expect, but can you look at latin dancing objectively and recognize inherent elements of the dance that could make a romantic partner of a dancer uncomfortable?.... and that without labeling that person or the relationship as lacking trust / security / or having "other issues"?

    Some objective points about latin dancing:
    Latin dances are 'controlled' by men.
    Most music is sexual/ romantic and sung by men.
    The man asks the lady to dance. The man leads the dance and controls the dance.
    The woman dresses (often) in a sexually provocative way and (in most cases) waits for men to "choose" her to dance with them.

    Not a coincidence that latin cultures are often considered highly misogynistic - controlled by men, geared toward pleasing men.

    Latin dances include extensive touching of the body, physical closeness, and many sexually-derived moves (the back and forth chase, the dips and sexy hip movements, body rolls, sensual eye contact, close body contact/embraces, physical chemistry, etc.

    These are actions a partner may not be ok with off the dance floor. So why is it so hard to understand a partner who is uncomfortable with his/her romantic partner doing this with others on the dance floor?

    As someone who has danced extensively in this scene, I love latin dances. I love the fact that latin dances are fun and exciting and playful. When I was single, it was a perfect way to get physically close with women I didn't know and fell good about myself. But I also understand that being physically close and sensual with other people while in a relationship, on or off the dance floor, is crossing the line for many people in serious relationships. It makes perfect sense: Your S.O. and someone else are behaving in a physical way that may remind you of how you behave with your S.O.

    Cheating doesn't just mean penetration. It does for some, but not for most. Everyone has a right to what they feel is "too much" in a relationship and they should be respected equally. Many people have written in this forum about dancing not being "cheating"... others say as long as there is no grabbing or grinding, its not cheating; others say "no body rolls"... everyone has their own lines. Why not respect all of them without labeling people as insecure, controlling, lacking trust etc.?

    Each couple has to decide for themselves what they feel comfortable with as a couple and what they don't feel comfortable with..... and no one should be ridiculed in these forums for having a different opinion/value system than people who dance on a regular basis and may have become desensitized to what is actually physically happening on the dance floor.
    SnowDancer and Chris_Yannick like this.

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