Should I be upset and worried that my boy/girlfriend dances salsa with other people?

Discussion in 'Just Dance' started by MacMoto, May 7, 2014.

  1. MacMoto

    MacMoto Administrator Staff Member

    #1
  2. wildbill20056

    wildbill20056 Sabor Ambassador

    Absolutely, it seems to pop up with unfailing regularity and the script generally reads:

    Oh hai, I want advice plx... my significant other is a dancer, and I'm sure some latin god/goddess is going to steal them away, please justify my telling them to stop dancing.

    Us: Relax, trust your relationship, it's not a swinging party for dancers.

    Them: I don't believe you.....(repeat.)
     
  3. estrella

    estrella Tumbao

    It's all in your own mind, you know if you can trust him.

    I dance salsa with everyone who likes to dance with me, I hav a relationship for 6 years.

    Make up your mind :)
     
  4. opm1s6

    opm1s6 Sabor Ambassador

    It's foolish to mistrust the person that you say you're in love with. Then again we often see fools in love. Anyone looking for advice needs to face the issues affecting their relationship and stop blaming it on the dance.
     
  5. Salsa@Cancun

    Salsa@Cancun Changui

    No way!!!! In fact if you're jealous for that, no doubt you both will have couple issues in other ways; enjoy your couple and enjoy her/his activities!!
     
  6. Jannie

    Jannie Changui

    Word.
     
  7. Kromat83

    Kromat83 Sonero

    There are times where we dance well with someone and feel comfortable, but when we talk with them away from the scene, we see that this is all that we might have and it wont work to make it last.
    What if your into travel, or adventurous, keen on fitness ? i don't think both need to like these interests already, but will they adjust to make you happy, and try something new ? or they will complain that they have to go each time ?
    There has been times where a friend initiated the close contact in Bachata, so i want along with it, even though i would have been the opposite because she has a boyfriend, but if your both comfortable, and know that it'll stay on the dance floor, there should be nothing to worry about.
    Imagine dancing Kizomba or Bachata without various moves ? your just limiting in what you can do, so just trust your partner and if it really is a deal breaker for you, either you get jealous that your not good enough for her, or you can't enjoy yourself with what you have and make compromises with dancing to learn, or let her go on her own, so your not making her do whatever you'd like.
     
  8. vale89

    vale89 Changui

    Hello guys! In my opinion Estrella is in the right! I've a relationship for 3 years. In the beginning, my boyfriend was jealous of me. He wanted me to stop dancing. But I was inflexible. Now we go together to dance every saturday and it's so fun! If he/she loves you, he/she tries to please you!!!
     
  9. Hawaiianham

    Hawaiianham Son Montuno

    In that sense, you didn't please him. Just playing devil's advocate here, not saying it's a bad decision.
     
  10. Zaperoko

    Zaperoko Son

    The answer to this question depends largely on the health and dynamics of the relationship. Some relationships aren't tested one bit when one of the individuals in the relationship dances the night away with other people. Some relationships, however, will be tested by this. Attribute it to insecurity, flaws in one's character, the wrong zodiac sign, or whatever, some people do not like their significant other mingling and touching members of the opposite sex for extended periods of time like you do in salsa dancing. So while I personally wouldn't get upset - because both my wife and I both dance salsa, but I can certainly understand that some people will get jealous.
     
  11. Hawaiianham

    Hawaiianham Son Montuno

    Yes, that's exactly true. I believe salsa is not the cause of a relationship breakup, but more of a threshold in the relationship's strength at the current stage. I also want to add - for the readers/couples who are not deadset in salsa - that salsa is not a do or die factor to a relationship, unlike things like contempt, abuse, or lies. For me, I have two ex-close female friends that were told not to be friends with by their insecure boyfriends. Both are either engaged or married and I wish both of them luck. One activity does not constitute an ultimatum to a relationship, but there needs to be flexibility on BOTH ends.
     
  12. Kromat83

    Kromat83 Sonero

    There are too many relationships where one person is too controlling over the other. Dancing doesn't constitute that anything is going to happen outside from that, but you both enjoy the activity, and get to see if you like dancing with them.
    If the guy gets asked later, that's a good sign, and it has happened to me.
    There has been a temptation, but I have to respect the person that they are with.
     
    Hawaiianham likes this.
  13. Hawaiianham

    Hawaiianham Son Montuno

    Not only have to, but should (extrinsic vs intrinsic) ;)
     
  14. Zaperoko

    Zaperoko Son

    I understand your point, but what is controlling to you may not be controlling to another person. There is reason for at least some reflection or caution. People do hook up in the salsa scene, and it isn't always just the single people ;)
     
  15. SmallSteps3000

    SmallSteps3000 Son Montuno

    These guys are usually jealous, misogynist creeps.
     
  16. Kromat83

    Kromat83 Sonero

    It's about the dance, why limit what moves you can do as part of the dance?
    If someone's other has a problem with them dancing a specific style, why not just tell them to refuse.
    It's pretty selfish that he is the only that gets to dance a specific style.
    Just because someone may be a better, so what ? Is there any chemistry off the floor ? Most people that have a problem with this whole situation, are those that are non-dancers, and don't understand the community, that it's mostly about having fun and improving and if there's touching involve at the waist or hips, there has to be a comfort level established, because some people don't like it.
     
  17. calichris10

    calichris10 Sabor Ambassador

    Hell yes they do! I know lots of people who have hooked up... Some stay together some move on... But it happens all the time. Any one who says it doesn't must be on the outer circle of the scene and doesn't know the drama and goings on:p Not necessarily a bad thing:) All dance no drama must be great !
     
  18. Kromat83

    Kromat83 Sonero

    over time, the more i have done dancing, it is better to remain friends with fellow females, so you can keep this activity separate from your personal life.
    Don't get me wrong, there have been some people that caught my attention, but you have to distinguish the two, and know what would happen if it didn't work out.
    I'd rather just have someone that might be interested in dancing, and eventually want to learn together and hang out, but would like to be able to do things outside of it, as i have found that my world doesn't revolve around dancing, and have done once every 1 or 2 weeks recently and at one point i took 3-4 years break.
    Rock Climbing has become more of my go-to hobby now, as it is mostly my own self improvement like a normal gym, and i don't have to depend on others to succeed, which is different from dancing, where you heavily rely on your partner, to perform better, by practicing as much as you can, regardless if it's the same person or not.
    P.S. that is what i take from it, i wouldn't be upset if she danced with others, as i know what it is like, and it's more of a fantasy and just part of the dance, and can't let that get to my head.
     
  19. RobotLion

    RobotLion Rhythm Deputy

    People will hook up in pretty much any social circle, doesn't really matter if it is salsa or crossfit or dungeons and dragons. It is just the nature of social circles.

    From what I have seen of my local salsa scene, most people however are not part of any salsa social circle.


    The way I see it, when I am on the dance floor, I don't do anything to that girl that I wouldn't do to my own sister. If it would be awkward for me to touch my sister in that way, I won't do it to someone I just met social dancing.

    If I was in a relationship, as long as she wasn't doing anything hardcore sexual on the dancefloor that she wouldn't want her parents to see or she wouldn't be comfortable touching her brother that way, then I would be totally fine with it. And if she absolutely had to dry hump other men on the dancefloor to be happy, I wouldn't try to control her or be mad, but it would be a message that she isn't the right girl for me and I would politely move on so we can both be happy.
     
  20. Kromat83

    Kromat83 Sonero

    people take dancing way too seriously, there are tons of moves that people wont do, but once you get comfortable with someone, both of you don't mind.
    I had a good friend of mine, get close during a Bachata, even though her boyfriend was there.
    We're too concerned about what will happen afterwards.
    Are you planning to get to know this person further to date them? person ? are you trying to take her home ? if the answer to both is no, then it'll up to her if she feels uncomfortable and properly only had one instance where i had my hands on her hips, and she took them off.
    I am out there to have a fun time and practice.
    She knows what type of dance it is, and she was not comfortable with men dancing like that, she would say no to each one.
    Too many restrictions on what you can or can't do, just enjoy it for those few minutes and then move onto the next.
    I could meet lots of women that i'd like to date, but it would have to be a specific one that i'd like to know off it, and most of those are merely friends, and i am okay with that.
     

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