Relationships and Salsa - SF advice guide

Discussion in 'Just Dance' started by chrisk, Jan 1, 2011.

  1. Kromat83

    Kromat83 Sonero

    If you want to start dating a fellow dancer, regardless if it's Salsa or not, there needs to be compromise, or it just wont work.
    Trust is a key factor, and have to accept what she does on the floor, and it is up to her to decide what she does afterwards, and if she values the relationship, and there needs to be some form of respect and communication is key.
    Like Bachata or Kizomba, where there is close contact, but it's part of the dance.
    With any of the Standard Dances, you must maintain hip contact, so the lead is better, and most of all it's for fun, it can't be taken too seriously, unless your out to find someone to go to competitions with.
  2. khabibul35

    khabibul35 Tumbao

    Since I began salsa 5 years ago, I have dated 4 women long-term. Of those, 2 I met during salsa, 1 I didn't date long enough to bring into salsa (although she came once), and my current GF I met outside of salsa and brought her into it (but through a friend who was a salsa dancer).

    Salsa can be a good way to get dates. However, the nature of the dance means you can't have much room for jealousy. It will quickly eat away at your relationship. Also, a few of my friends had dated people who were regulars in the scene - like 3-4 times a week they would go and that was awkward when it ended. However, I'll say that it's also because they're the type of people who dwell on things. If you don't I think it'd go OK.

    The 2 women I met in salsa, well, they're weren't regulars. The first, I met at an event and it was the first time I had seen her. She was Dominican and just came because she knew what it was. The second, I had seen once 6 months before apparently but had forgotten since. She was a pretty good dancer but samba was her true passion. In these cases, even if we were the jealous types, it would have been OK because it doesn't affect your social circles.

    So, it's really up to your judgement. People who aren't die-hards are pretty safe to dance. People who aren't, well, it's risky but it can work if you both are the types to let things go pretty easily. Even if one person isn't, I wouldn't recommend it.
    Chris_Yannick likes this.
  3. elanimal

    elanimal Nuevo Ritmo

    I don't like dating anyone in salsa unless I know it'll become serious. Too much drama.
    khabibul35 and kbitten like this.
  4. Offbeat

    Offbeat Maestro 'Fania' Pacheco

    Isn't that true outside of salsa too?
  5. elanimal

    elanimal Nuevo Ritmo

    I don't see my ex-girlfriends and other 'acquaintances' weekly, or more, as I would see someone in the salsa scene. So, no, not the same thing... at all...
    Slowdance likes this.
  6. Sabrosura

    Sabrosura Maestro 'Sonero' Lavoe

    But you can't actually know how serious/deep/happy (or not) a relationship will become unless and until you actually start dating the person. :)
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2016
    Dissonant Harmony likes this.
  7. elanimal

    elanimal Nuevo Ritmo

    Experience has taught me I know before anything happens, after just a few conversations. My mistakes have come from ignoring that instinct. Gift or curse? Who knows, jeje.
    Slowdance likes this.
  8. SnowDancer

    SnowDancer Clave Commander

    That's a good talent to have! I'd find it really difficult in the salsa scene, where it seems a requirement for everyone to appear happy, upbeat, and at least a little sexual. (OTOH, tango seems to require its participants to act serious and depressed.:p)
    azana and Slowdance like this.
  9. Slowdance

    Slowdance Descarga

    I have a completely different skill. I have the ability to fail to recognize attraction toward myself in any environment. I'm talking "why is she grinding on me in a graveyard at midnight? Must be stress" levels of detection immunity here. Still, it keeps life simple, including on the dance floor. :)
    SnowDancer, elanimal and Sabrosura like this.
  10. I have a weird but semi-similar skill set. Oh, that girl is hugging me and coming so close to me while dancing and even gave me a kiss on the cheek and asked to get together after the dance..."oh, she's friendly" is my response lol.

    Now, if a girl just has a simple "how are you" small talk conversation with me, I'm like "OMG! she's awesome!" lol.
    Slowdance likes this.
  11. elanimal

    elanimal Nuevo Ritmo

    For what it's worth, when I said I could 'see whether it'll work,' I didn't mean that I could tell she liked me. I meant that when that hurdle is clear, and that it's very obvious she likes me, then I have an innate understanding of how much I like her, and how sustainable a relationship would be based on how much I like her from the get-go. To date, there have been no instances of 'she grew on me.' I either feel a genuine and consistent pull, or just a small and ephemeral tug. Differentiating the 2 is key, for me. When I jump in without feeling a baseline amount of that pull, on the outside chance that 'it can grow, who knows, let's give it a shot!'... it fails spectacularly.

    Hence why I don't pursue relationships in salsa... unless I know, from the beginning... that I really really like her. I've learned my lesson.

  12. Sabrosura

    Sabrosura Maestro 'Sonero' Lavoe

    Though to be fair, taking this a step further, if we assume that a relationship that ends in a break-up is a 'failure' (leaving the "all relationships teach us something", "there were external factors" etc. discussions aside), one could argue that your relationship barometer is not really that good since all your previous relationships, even the ones where you felt the pull, failed as well -- so this would mean that in reality your barometer merely differentiates between those that fail spectacularly and those that fail more softly. :)
    SnowDancer, Slowdance and Aurel like this.
  13. Aurel

    Aurel Sonero


    You are not alone with this problem, although, maybe the graveyard thing would make me at least suspicious. But to be fair, I seriously don't understand how can somebody recognise mutual attraction in a dance scene? Everybody is friendly and with all the kizomba I dance I'm almost completely desanitised towards any touch, so I don't pick up on any signs. Also, in here (central Europe) there is a severe imbalance in the men:women ratio with ladies outnumbering guys sometimes 2:1, so if you happen to be not completely incompetent dancer you can never be sure if they are talking to you/smiling at you because they like you or it is just a way how to get more dances. Seriously, without a verbal announcement of feelings I have no clue.
    Slowdance likes this.
  14. elanimal

    elanimal Nuevo Ritmo

    Jeje, nah, I consider the relationships where I was more happy than not, to be successes. That usually translates to actual relationships that last over a year, and an overall net gain. Like chemical reactions. Some can be overall endothermic, and gain energy. Or happiness, in relationship terms, if you will. Others are exothermic, resulting in a net energy loss, like highly combustible bad romantic decisions bursting into flame. Except in the case of salsa, it's more like radioactive fallout that lingers in the places you frequent on a weekly basis.

    In matters as complicated as love and dancing, things are not so black and white. Going along the chemical reaction analogy further, with experience I've learned just how much activation energy is necessary for a catalyst to 'pull' me into the overall positive, endothermic direction.

    Ok enough science analogies for now.
    Last edited: Aug 9, 2016
    Slowdance likes this.
  15. Chris_Yannick

    Chris_Yannick Shine Officer

    I am the opposite of you. I always end up in relationships where she was extremely interested in me, and I am the one who has to catch up to her in terms of being "there", which hasn't worked out well for me because it takes time for me to develop strong feelings for someone I wasn't initially interested in (up to a year or more) and by then they have had enough, and I end up being the chaser.

    I am currently in that situation once again, with me being the chaser, but this time, it's a little different because she still is attracted to me, despite being with another guy. It's just weird, but I've learned to accept it.

    Slowdance likes this.
  16. Yiannis

    Yiannis Changui

    Totally agree!
  17. Marisha

    Marisha Descarga

    I decided I will never date salsa or kizomba dancers. :D
  18. SnowDancer

    SnowDancer Clave Commander

    Stick with the bachata dancers.:p
    Offbeat and Marisha like this.
  19. Marisha

    Marisha Descarga

  20. granrey

    granrey Tumbao

    it's a tricky question in countries in which dancing is not common. in my country of origin dancing is common. Even when you meet a person of the opposite sex or every time you see that person you are likely to kiss each other cheeks when saying hi and shaking hands.

    personally, when I go dancing with my girl. I pretty much only dance with her unless a friend ask me out or my girl starts dancing with someone else.

    my advice to men. if your woman dances with another guy while you are there. Don't stay like an idiot/loser sitting down or face down, sad, etc. grab another good looking/sexy woman and start dancing (if posible grab two at the same time lol) and make sure this woman is having fun dancing with you.

    if your woman stops dancing and seems like waiting for you. keep dancing for an extra song.

    when you finish, don't go to your woman either.....go to the sides and let her rerurn to you.

    If she returns to you, and for some reason comes up with something weird like: "who is that girl you were dancing to?" or "you seemed very happy there?", etc

    you say something funny with a smile (or a wink/smile) like: "that was just a cheap backup, nobody is like you babe "

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