Going out alone

Discussion in 'Just Dance' started by darcitananda, Jun 28, 2008.

  1. Hi everyone!
    I'm newish here, been lurking a bit, and a post or two. I'm also newish to salsa, been at it for a few months, though been listening to the music for years. I finally decided to put my shyness aside and just do it, and I'm loving my lessons and I occasionally go out for social dancing. My question is... do you ever go out alone? As a woman, I am used to traveling in packs (mainly with other women) and I don't know if I could go to a nightclub alone without feeling um, exposed. And my husband is not into salsa, and I don't feel comfortable going out without him with other men (such as men from my class). Does anyone else have this issue, and what do you do? I mean, why else would I be writing this on a Friday night at 12:24am. I'd like nothing more than to be out dancing. :( Thanks for any advice!
  2. sweavo

    sweavo Maestro 'Guaguanco' Rodríguez

    From the social point of view there's nothing wrong with it whatsoever. Most socials I go to there are always singletons showing up and mingling with no problem. Most men have no qualms whatever about asking a solitary female to dance, and once you're on the dance floor you might scarcely see the people you came with anyway!

    But from the safety perspective, and for the safety of your bag and money, I'd recommend going with a small group of people from class. I don't recommend bringing hubby along as non-salsa people often don't "get" the whole rubbing-up-against-the-opposite-sex thing and it could start off a jealousy issue. Maybe you could try at class to drum up a small posse. Easy for me to say, I don't think I could do it.

    Good luck!
  3. MacMoto

    MacMoto Administrator Staff Member

    I'm also a married woman, and I go out salsa dancing on my own all the time. I know others who do the same - there's nothing unusual or outrageous about that. I do remember that it was a hard thing to do when I first started out, but you get used to it pretty quickly especially once you make lots of salsa friends. Perhaps you can start going to a salsa club or social with a group until you feel comfortable? Also, salsa clubs vary quite a bit - avoid ones where there are a lot of non-salsa crowd or ones known to be seedy, and stick to ones that are frequented by other salsa addicts. Go to the same places on a regular basis and get to know other dancers - eventually they will start feeling like your second home! ;)

    Another potential issue for someone in your situation is how your husband might feel about it... :?
  4. naresh

    naresh Changui

    Here are my observations:

    1- the way you dress and your mannerism indicates whether you are exposed or not, not the number of companions.
    2- If you go to the club a little early to take the lessons, you can make friends with others, and you will not feel alone in there any more.
    3- be selective about the club you are going to. Different clubs have different environments.
    4- if you go alone, as opposed to with other women, you will end up dancing more, because guys are more comfortable asking a woman to dance when they don't have to seperate a woman from her group of friends.

  5. bailar y tocar

    bailar y tocar Clave Commander

    As other replies indicated, going out alone is better if you want to dance more. In typical 'true' salsa venues there will be plenty of dance partners available and its ok for ladies to ask for a dance. The challenge is finding the true salsa venue in your area.

    In the US:
    If they play a mix of reggaeton, hip-hop, house along with salsa, merengue and bachata, its not a true salsa venue and a lot of people will be there that you wouldn't want to come across alone. These types of venues are usually advertised as 'tropical music mix' and you don't want to waste time by going there.

    On the other hand, if its a dance studio social, its absolutely safe (except for purse thieves).

    The other venues that feature anywhere from at least 70-80% salsa along with merengue and bachata fall somewhere in between in terms of safety.
  6. antigone

    antigone Pattern Police

    I almost always go out alone. It can be a bit intimidating at first, so I usually pick a place I like and stick to it, so at least I see familiar faces. If you go to the places frequented by salsa dancers (rather than typical clubs), you should not be bothered too much with men offering unwanted attention, and as others said, you will probably get mroe dances being alone.
    Unless your husband is a vegetable, he is going to be at least somewhat resentful about you going out alone and dancing with other men. He might tell you it's fine by him - don't believe him. His resentment might be mitigated by you going to dance in studios rather than clubs, but you might consider bringing him with you at least once, so he can see what it's like instead of imagining all sorts of tawdry things while you're out.
  7. Hi again,
    Thank you all so much for the thoughtful answers! So, I'm in San Francisco, so we have a lot of salsa-dedicated places here, and amazing bands, which is so great! I'm starting to get a feel for the different places, but I guess I'm still afraid of going alone. Even though I am not a provocative dresser (I usually just wear jeans and a blouse) I still feel uncomfortable and conspicuous being alone. I actually prefer going with women because it takes some pressure off me to dance every single dance, even though I usually end up doing it anyway. I have been trying to get some people from my class to go, and given my card to some of the other girls, but they haven't been too enthusiastic. The men on the other hand are always trying to get me to go with them. This may sound kind of mean, but I would rather not dance with the men from my class all night if go to a club because I feel like I won't learn anything new, since I'm already accustomed to following them. Not that I wouldn't dance with them at all, but what happens is that they are too shy to ask the other girls in the club, and then I feel obligated to dance with them so they aren't sitting the bench all night.

    Regarding the husband, that is already a very sticky issue. He's come out with me a couple of times and we've had huge fights, and he said that it's "not too cool" that I dance with other men (but he won't take classes and doesn't know how to dance) and he definitely would think it was wrong for me to go out with a group of men. He also told me that if he did take classes and start going out with me more often that he would only want to dance with me, and that I should only dance with him! Is that crazy? So now I don't even want him to learn if that is going to be the result...

    Well, enough rambling. I think I'll try attending some of the social events and see how that goes. Thanks again for the advice everyone! Now if anyone knows how to fix marital issues... ;)
  8. acpjr

    acpjr Tumbao

    As a leader, I can tell you that you are more conspicuous if you are with a bunch of girls at a table or in the corner and not making yourself available/approachable near the dance floor. As far as I can tell, some of the best followers in my scene roll solo. Of course when they show up everyone knows them and lines start forming, but they come alone and leave alone.

    I feel the same way in regards to followers from class. I'd rather go out solo or with guy friends. At first I found it weird that dudes rolled together to go dancing, but I'm over that now. At the very least we employ a divide and conquer strategy, "ok you take that side of the floor, I'll take the other", then regroup occasionally to compare notes (e.g. who is a good follower, who is friendly, who rejected you in a not so polite way, etc.)

    When I run into followers from class, I ask them to dance right away to get it over with. Once that's done, you have no baby sitting obligations.
  9. antigone

    antigone Pattern Police

    You're welcome to hang out with me at Cocomo next Saturday. I can give you the number of my divorce lawyer too :)
  10. Offbeat

    Offbeat Maestro 'El Diferente' Canales

    Allegro on Sunday night (Emeryville) and HSF on alternate fridays (South Bay) are total safe zones. DLL, Agenda, Glaskat and Cocomos are clubs, but if you park yourself in the dancers' corner chances are slim you will be approached by unsavory characters.

    Try to get to know the girls who go out dancing regularly. You can then co-ordinate with them or carpool. There are a number of regulars (girls) who will often come together (especially if they are coming from a distance).

    This is not surprising. It also depends on which class you go to. One option is to pick a class where you can go out dancing after the class.

    Nothing mean about it. I seldom asked girls from class to dance while out socially. Disadvantage for you is that as a follower you can't avoid getting asked.

    My suggestion is take him up on it. Two things can happen. Either he catches the salsa bug, you will have a partner to practice and go out with, and he too might get bored of dancing only with you. That's a win-win. Or he will lose interest and drop out. At least there's a hope that he might understand what salsa dancing is all about.

    There are number of salsa couples and also ones where only one of the two is into dancing. Try talking and exchanging notes with them.

    IMHO it is not worth dancing, if that raises a frequent big stink with the non-dancing significant other.
  11. on the other hand, maybe it's not worth marriage if I can't dance! what is life without dance? my husband actually did come and observe a few minutes of my class last week, so maybe he's warming up to it. but as a "modern" woman, i refuse to give up my right to dance with other men. i'm surprised he hasn't jumped on the opportunity to dance with lots of beautiful women. you'd think he'd be all over it. but he still thinks that men only learn to dance to score with women. i'm really hoping he can overcome that attitude.

    anyway, thanks again for the advisements. i'm feeling more positive about going out alone now. :)
  12. chr

    chr Shine Officer

    I guess, you need not. I know a lot of followers who go out alone and they have a lot of fun, as there are a lot of amazing leaders around here.

    Yes, it is. (Besides, it is impossible to learn to dance if one only dances with the same partner all time)

    Marital issues are tricky, indeed... :( In your case, however, your husband generates a completely artificial problem.
  13. chr

    chr Shine Officer

    You should keep in mind that for guys, it is much harder to start to learn dancing. It may take years to master leading to that extent that reasonable followers start enjoy dancing with him...
  14. sweavo

    sweavo Maestro 'Guaguanco' Rodríguez

    Maybe we can trick my SO into seducing him, then we'll both be free to dance
  15. Offbeat

    Offbeat Maestro 'El Diferente' Canales

    May be not, but that's not my place to say. Surely you don't expect a total stranger to say the same !

    I don't see what's so modern about ..... errr well never mind.

    Don't you think that is a red flag ? I remember reading the other thread where someone suggested something on the similar lines, I will say he does have a point. May be what you can help him understand is that there is a lot more to dancing and those whose goal is to only score with women don't survive for long.
  16. terence

    terence Maestro 'Descarga' Cachao

    What State is that legal in ?
  17. bailar y tocar

    bailar y tocar Clave Commander

    I hate to have to be so blunt about this. The salseras I know who said the same thing about their non-dancing SO are now divorced and happily single. Is he extremely rich and very very old ? If yes, might be worth waiting him out...otherwise...
  18. You are all hysterical. Thanks for keeping me laughing, because staying home on Saturday night watching Nacho Libre was NOT making me laugh. Anyway, thanks again for the moral (immoral?) support and you will see me soon. I'm not giving up on the husband quite yet as he hasn't expressly forbidden me to dance with other men, but if we do split up then I will be one of the dreaded "lookin' to score on the dance floor", j/k.
  19. bailar y tocar

    bailar y tocar Clave Commander

  20. bailar y tocar

    bailar y tocar Clave Commander

    Almost anything is 'allowed' in California unless prohibited by constitutional amendment. The Ag industry is one of the strongest lobbies in the state.

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